Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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