We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
