my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
They took my balls.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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