i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
