Porn is love you can see.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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