How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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