i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
