I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
