I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
