True but thats because hes a fetus.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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