Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
