a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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