How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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