Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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