I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
