I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
