The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize