did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Randomize
