its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
