i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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