I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
