I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
