so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
