Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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