We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I forget how to act sober
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
