when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well I just put wine in my tea
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
