you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
