like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
