I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
