I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i think im in europe. pls send help
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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