you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
