i don't like sucking hair
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
