Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
