I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
