i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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