That's intense
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
