3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
