I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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