He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
