My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
