HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
