and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
