non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
