i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
