cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
