i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
