I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
