Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
