I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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