I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
