The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
