hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
