is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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