I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Watching her eat just hurts me
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
