If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
