I'm sorry my penis didn't work
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Randomize
