went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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