Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
