If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
