everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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