i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
