the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
