2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
