There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize