Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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