listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
