You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
