You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
