I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
