we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
