i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
