After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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