i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
