dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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