I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize