Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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