Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
