Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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