In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
sarcasm needs its own font
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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