You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
