one two three fourrrrnication!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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