we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
