i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
