my sisters under your porch take her home
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
