i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
