stop calling my apartment porn island.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
