Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
