Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
