I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
