Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
