first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize