Well douche your snatch and let's go!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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