he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
