The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize