You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
