tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My cat gives me a boner
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
