My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
