I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
