and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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