I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
