I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
