I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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