Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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