I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
