you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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