you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
