then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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