so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
