Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
