a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
