i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think my nap took me to another dimension
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
